Well, this is certainly a new territory for me... The Site Update. I feel like I'm now towering above all the other Journalists with this prestigious feeling of being able to bare the news and gossip to all the glorious members of Forge Hub. However, it was only 5 minutes ago I got the late memo:
"Unfortunately due to unforseen circumstances, we have all decided to fly to the Carribean for the hot sun, relaxing environment, alcohol and female attention. Due to this unplanned incident we have decided that you must write the Site Update as the rest of the staff were brought along for experience and training. You were not brought along due to your expertise in the following subjects:
Alcohol Consumption
We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused. Please do not be late.
Sincerely,
Management."
So... here I am and there they are.
Critique Capital
I never really imagined that at one point in my life I'd have to write a short promotional section about the Review Hub. Being one of the Leaders of the Tester's Guild, I feel like I'm almost betraying my fellow brothers.
15 seconds and apologies aside; The Review Hub is here to dismantle your map block by block and reduce you to tears. As you witness your 100+ hours of work being verbally ripped to bits, you feel it was almost for nothing. That is until you realise your Review Hub Rating clearly surpasses that of your rival's; in which case, you take pride in openly bragging about those 0.3 points and it was all because of your unbelievable intellect in merging that precious platform XL into the bare Wall Collesium pieces. Jolly good show ol' chap!
If you were strangely entertained by stealing candy from babies and found certain satisfaction from pulling the legs off of insects or you generally just enjoy destroying dreams of those around you, you might want to sign up for the Review Hub here. Alternatively, you could lift up your kilt and show them your bare backside and become Braveheart for the next couple of days until they post a review for your map. You can request a review by posting here.
Blue Streak : 7.1/10 - Tedium & Zenixlio
Left 4 Dead - The Escape [Part 2] : 5.9/10 - Plasma Blades
Subterfuge V3 : 5.4/10 - Oli The G and Sgt Surchin
Apollo : 7.8/10 - That Scorch Guy
Race Coaster Pro Series : 6.0 - Oli The G
Trinity : 4.4/10 - That Scorch Guy & Plasma Blades
Gully : 8.1/10 - Organite & PacMonster1
Curvature : 6.7 - Oli The G & Plasma Blades
Check... 1,2..
On the opposite end of the stick we have my humble team of miscreants; The Tester's Guild. These guys clearly exceed those of the Review Hub by sacrificing hour after hour each night to bring feedback to the needy. If you're lacking in friends (like me), or are simply too lazy to test your maps (like me) then the Tester's Guild is clearly for you (like me). They provide their opinion in a structured and colourful representation that you can refer back to, time and time again and the best part is, if you don't agree, you don't have to make the changes! Picky s!
And if you find you're in excess of both friends and time, why not join the Tester's Guild. Heck, once you've collected enough stars and become recognised enough throughout the community you might also bag yourself a groovy new rank for being so Loyal!
TGIF: Thank God It's Fudgecake
If being "super srs" isn't your thing and you just like to pick up a pad and game, TGIF is definitely for you. Although they ran out of Fudgecake a few years back when it went old and moldy, there are still some remains left in the Hub Pub. Trouble is, to get into the Hub Pub fridge and access this moldy cake, you need to become a TGIF host for four consecutive TGIF days! Oh man... I just remembered, the body can't go without food for more than 4 weeks right? Simply message What's a Scope? with your party details to ensure your survival.
[HOST'S PARTY NAME]
Host's Gamertag: [HOST'S GAMERTAG]
Start Time: [0:00pm EST]
End Time: [0:00pm EST]
Rules: [PARTY RULES]
Schedule:
[PARTY SCHEDULE]
What you need to do to survive:
Host four consecutive TGIFs (that's back to back for a grand total of four TGIFs spanning eight weeks)
Continue a party spans a minimum of two hours
Submit a recap of their TGIF which consists of:
A two paragraph write up
A minimum of two pictures from their TGIF
At least three download links of the maps they've played
Feeling the surround...
http://www.astrogaming.com/The 2v2 Throwdown competition sign ups already started, if you haven't buddied up and secured yourself a position in the tournament: GO GO GO!. If you've already managed to sign up, you should totally go and check out some groovy gaming gear, more specifically Astro A40 Audio Systems courtesy of Astro Gaming. Sign ups are closing tonight (unless I get another late memo) so make sure you get yourself a team mate and registered!
If you have already got a set of Astros and don't particularly want to donate another set to a charity organisation then don't fret, there are still many other unannounced prizes yet to be unveiled.
If you have any further questions regarding the Tournament, check out the Throwdown Customer Services forum for more information. Oh, and make sure you keep your eyes open in News and Media forum too!
Never fear, Helpbox is here!
As we're always looking for new ways to make things easier for the Staff, we've introduced a new Helpbox that over time will be populated with numerous helpful threads and links. Eventually, the staff will have robots that will post articles and Forge Hub rent-a-cops will patrol the boards with actual Ban-Hammers meaning I might one day be able to go to that Staff training exercise in the Carribean...
If you're not sure how to use the Helpbox, please Visitor Message Transactionzero numerous times until he replies with the guide titled "Helpbox and Me...". Alternatively, you could click the little white arrow on the left side of the page.
Bits and Bobs...
Follow the leader...
As we embark upon our latest endeavour of Social Networking, the guys here in the Staff Room have once again decided it's about time to do some work. Shortly before leaving for the Carribean, one of the crafty devils decided to set up a Twitter account to keep you guys in loop.
Simply sign into Twitter and follow us, Forge Hub.
Magik Crayonz
A few members have begun their epic journey of recognition by picking up some various colours around the site. ThrowinDemBows bagged himself a new shade of grey but then accidently spilled a tub of green paint over himself. Too bad we haven't picked up any adequate washing powder yet.
Moving on from accidents and the clumsy guy, we have two new Loyals each earning their new colours respectively by hosting TGIF parties consecutively and destroying peoples dreams in the Review Hub. Take a little bit of time out to congratulate them on their epic deeds; xSharpshooter94 and Plasma Blades both deserve a pat on the back for their hard work.
Another late memo:
"Please include the following members in the promotion section:
Sincerely,
Management"
So That Scorch Guy picked up Loyal a few weeks ago in the Review Hub. That memo must of really got lost in the internal post system huh?
Finally, we have a retired staff member. SargeantSarcasm decided it was best for him to throw in the towel and go back to his old, poop coloured, outdated rank of Architect. We hope him well in his future, and laugh at him at present.
QOTSU
After reading through around 5 pages of comments on the previous Site Update looking for a response to "What is your favourite forge Sandbag item and why?" I decided to save the precious thirty to forty seconds of my life and write it off as a lost cause.
However hoping to spur some actual interest, I've based this QOTSU around myself. If you had an opportunity to kill me and you had to complete this task, how would you do it?
Please bare in mind, responses will be sent to the police with your name and contact number in the event of my peculiar death.
Goodbyes aren't my strong point...
Have you ever partaken in that phone call where you find yourself unable to hang up and that unmistakably annoying "No you hang up" conversation ensues? Unfortunately, this is my life. But for the sake of posting this Site Update, I'm going to hang up.
"..."
I also just discovered I suffer from premature epostulation.
If you have any thoughts on this article, or the front page in general, that you would like to share with us then we invite you to post your opinions in the Front Page Feedback thread.