So there I was, nearly two-thirds finished with the Site Update, when my computer crashed. I was livid. I pulled at my hair, I punched the floor, I felt terrible for hours. I had given up. Never having read the Site Update before, I decided to make myself feel better by reading some of the older articles, to try and find a written style I might be able to borrow from to aid my fresh attempt. What I found was much better: all the other Site Updates are terrible. I realised the bar is so low, I can step over it. So I dedicate this Site Update to bars, me stepping over them, and everyone who has ever done the same.
The Scribble Club
The Review Hub rose to prominence with the arrival of the new system where the loyal rank was awarded for contributing to the community, instead of requiring you to be cool, well-liked, and never asking for the rank. Which when you think about it, makes the new system the exact opposite of the old one. Not that I'm saying those Review Hub guys aren't awesome or anything. Even if that's what it sounds like I'm saying, and you factor into account my long history of dry sarcasm. Clarity?
You can sign up for the Review Hub here. Just remember boys and girls, the Review Hub plays an important role in Forge Hub. Where would we be if we didn't know that a map is an 8 out of 10 in terms of originality? Or how good a map looks in the reviewer's completely subjective assessment? How would we even know how enjoyable the map we're playing on is? We wouldn't, that's how. We'd be playing on the map thinking "I don't know how enjoyable this is". Utter Pandemonium.
Hornets Nest : 4.3 - cluckinho10
Relay Sierra 6-Zulu : 6.3/10 - Tedium
Contrast : 7.3/10 - Scorch199
Contained : 7.0/10 - Scorch199
Frameworks : 5.9/10 - Organite & cluckinho10
Redemption : 7.2/10 - Sathers,Zenixlio,PacMonster1,Sgt Surchin
Dormancy : 7.6 - PacMonster1
Catamaran : 3.6 - Oli The G and Hobbes
Enigmo : 4.7/10 - Scorch199
GieBerei der Untoten : 3.7/10 - Scorch199
Reverse Prisoner's Dilemma
If the Review Hub is the Heads side of the coin, then the Tester's Guild is the other Heads side of the coin that has been burned, confirming Rachel's death and driving Harvey mad with her loss, along with his simultaneous disfigurement. So in other words, pretty badass. Like Top 10 on IMDB badass.
So feel free to join the Tester's Guild, and once you've collected enough stars you'll also join in the Loyal rank with the other TG members. It sounds pretty stupid right? Collecting "Stars"? But if you close your eyes, concentrate, and think about Batman (Golden Age or Post-Crisis) then suddenly it doesn't sound so stupid anymore and your voice sounds much more gravely, and you can't stop thinking about how you're the hero Gotham needs right now.
Super Testing Bros.
If collecting Stars isn't your speed, you can always become a loyal by becoming a TGIF host after sending the following information to Whats A Scope in a private message. This is probably the best method, because you could play it off all cool, like: "I hosted some TGIF games, and I guess I accidentally became loyal. I didn't even know you got loyal for doing that". Then you laugh nervously and hope no-one sees through your facade.
[HOST'S PARTY NAME]
Host's Gamertag: [HOST'S GAMERTAG]
Start Time: [0:00pm EST]
End Time: [0:00pm EST]
Rules: [PARTY RULES]
Schedule:
[PARTY SCHEDULE]
Host four consecutive TGIFs (that's back to back for a grand total of four TGIFs spanning eight weeks)
Continue a party spans a minimum of two hours
Submit a recap of their TGIF which consists of:
A two paragraph write up
A minimum of two pictures from their TGIF
At least three download links of the maps they've played
Patented ear-cushioning technology
http://www.astrogaming.com/The 2v2 Throwdown competition is finally underway, so if you ever want to get your head into a pair of Astro Gaming's Astro A40 Audio Systems courtesy of Astro Gaming you have until Sunday the 17th of July to sign up.
If headphones aren't your thing, there are plenty of prizes to be announced, as well as prizes for the second and third placed teams. So when Shanon (and to a much lesser extent, SargeantSarcasm) beats your team, you better hope you made it to the semis, or your chances of winning something just became on par with an MLG team that isn't huffing Adderall XR.
-More about 2v2. Hype it up.
Speaking of MLG, did I mention that the Astro A40 Audio Systems are the official licensed headset of Major League Gaming, the world’s largest professional video game league? "But Shuman", you say, "I don't need some fancy shmancy MLG headset, I just want something that I can use on my 360, PS3 and PC, with 7.1 Dolby Surround and combined voice audio". Well you're in luck my crippled friend, because it has that. The only thing the Astro A40 Audio Systems can't do is whore out your integrity, but with friends like me, you'll never need to.
...hands of blue
Along with the regular weekly mentions, I was asked to mention that Rho Fs has finished judging the 2x2 Bank contest, with the results as follows.
Hello everyone,
After about a week of procrastination, testing, and another week of procrastination, I've finally go the results of the 2x2 bank contest. Please note that these maps were judged solely on popularity and looks then gameplay. Obviously that is much more important. There were 27 entries and it was a pain in the rorak to play them all. The majority of testing was done last weekend with a few friends while out internet was out.
Without further adueiuie,
3rd PLACE
Obliquity by alreadyrogue
Although it wasn't earth shattering it its design, it excelled in it's gameplay. Rogue himself can tell you how good the gameplay is. Especially when you win by a few kills. Joking aside, this was one of the better 1v1 maps submitted.
2nd PLACE
Pythagoras' Balcony by Organite
This map was one of the more creative designs. This is was exactly what I was looking for in this contest. It's gameplay was great and really impressed both my friends and me.
a2 + b2 = c2And the moment you've all been waiting for
The anticipation is finally over
The long awaited resultsHere is the winner
1st PLACE
Jive by AceOfSpades
I picked this map because ace's other maps were good. He also came in first in throwdown. It seemed natural and right to give him this win as well.
/you've got to be ignorant mindset
This is the map I was looking for. This map had a creative design, despite the constraints. Probably better then I could do with regular pieces. I mean hell, I didn't even design my only feature. While the spawns on this map had the occasional iffy-ness, the gameplay was the best in the contest. The aesthetics were just a nice bonus. Well done Ace, you deserve it. I'll give you some sort of sexual prize. Perhaps Cade. He is a good sexual prize.
...
Anyways, there are a few honorable mentions to be mentioned.
I don't feel like writing more then a sentance or two for these. You guys were close to placing. Consider yourself 4th - 6th place.
Chron and Flamingo's - Hem-porridge
Hemorridge wasn't really my favorite to start, but good god this is brilliant
LD's - banklok
lol at the creativity you crazy german <3
Boomerdude's - Fenced v2
If you could walk through the wall I would've liked it more I think. This was close.
Deh eynd
Apparently, every Site Update has a question, and I have to chose the winner for last week's question "Who do you think, out of everybody, would be the best at writing the Site Updates?" Unfortunately none of you were right, but the closest (and therefore, least wrong) answer was:
Robert Downey Jr. : Cause he's awesome.
The actual answer is Christian Bale : Cause he's Batman. I was told that the question for the next Question of the Site Update must be forge related, so here it is: What's your favourite Forge sandbag item and why?
Last but not least, congratulations to Titmar for reaching Artisan rank. Have you been working out? You look different.. Do you want to go see a movie? Yeah, you're right I was only kidding, hahahaha.
..ha ha.
Denouement
Try not to loose too many fingers on the 4th of July, because with Bungie Day only 3 days away, you'll need as many fingers as you can manage to beat Bungie's crack team. Even if you're a vegetarian, bring home the steak for America. Or Forge Hub. I don't know where the Forge Hub server is, but I like to think it's in America. It's a lot better than the alternatives.
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