Hoglaunch II
Created by Nutduster

Required Gametype: Hoglaunch
Recommended Players: 2-16

I'm sure you're all wondering what your friendly neighborhood moderator is doing on the front page right now. Fear not fellow friends, the red guys you do so adore have not been killed, kidnapped, or otherwise forcefully indisposed. Rather than answering this perplexing question myself though, I'll let our good chum Reflex Ion provide the reasoning behind this madness.

Bro, I'm chillin in a hotel, staring at the starry sky. The warm breeze compliments my frosty drink, and the soothing rhythm of the gentile waves washing across the shore is sending me asleep.
Also, I don't have a computer with me, nor a way to play the map. I have faith in your writing ability! Just ball it up; talk about what the map is, describe the shape and what it's like to play, and then make a sweet metaphor. You can get this shit.

So, my friends, those inspirational words are what have brought me here today, and I plan on following them to the tee.

Hoglaunch II is a minigame where you launch warthogs using various explosives across an ocean vista, gaining more points for more distance, while being pelted by gauss turret shells from the opposing team. On the attacking side, players find themselves constantly running around and preparing for well-planned launches and strategies. Fusion coils are rolling around, people are getting in warthogs for extra points and extra hilarity, plasma grenades are being thrown, rockets are being shot, etc. etc. While this kerfuffle is happening on the attackers' side, the defenders just sit back in their gauss turrets, enjoying a frosty drink complimented by the warm ocean breeze, while the sound of the gentle waves slowly sends them to - what the flip am I saying. You get the point.

Now I bet I know what you're thinking. Yeah, you, in the back. I see your expression. You're wondering why this game, of all games, is deserving of a feature. Well, it's simple really! *Whips out sweet metaphor powers* This map is a lot like talking to women. Before the interaction ever starts, you're already thinking of things to say and how to say them, to help make sure that there's no chance of a goof-up or other humiliation. If you're experienced in this mysterious art, otherwise known as being a flopping baller, you can whip out your usual practiced tricks and dazzle them every time. And if you're completely hopeless, like myself about 25% of the time, you can totally over-think the thing and have the conversation blow up in your face. That about sums up why this map deserves its feature, I think. Male flirtation.

*Puts away sweet metaphor powers*

Download Hoglaunch II

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