By: Black Theorem, corduroyCHUCK, and SargeantSarcasm

To my beloved,
It has been three months since I saw your face, as beautiful as that porcine hind we slaughtered the day we met. Do you remember the way the blood flaked against the white roses that adorned the backyard? I do, and with every glimpse of red I recall the times we spent together, eating bananas in the bitter cold climate of Southern Australia.
At least I think they were bananas.
But to pragmatism. It won't be long until I've been consumed by the mad king. He has started every morning with a whistle and a hearty rendition of Freebird sung in spanish. I only recognized the tune because of the time we skinny-dipped on the elementary school grounds to the delight of the childr- well that doesn't matter now.
People have gone missing. My coworkers have been abruptly called off one-by-one. The boss is hardly subtle about it, he keeps saying things he thinks are clever but I'm not sure he even knows the meaning of. One can only laugh enthusiastically at telling Spatt that he "wonders what Scat would look like if he went splat." Seriously, this is what we're working with.
If this reaches you on our veranda in Detroit, please, do not worry. Know only that we will be reunited where the warmth of our bodies will be surpassed only by that of our environment.
Yours truly,
Black Theorem

Theorem did not write that.
He did too.
Did not.
Okay so maybe I exaggerated a little.

BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE

I can see why you changed it. But why are you doing any of this anyway?
[Because.]
Who the hell are you?
That would be Theorem.
I thought you were Theorem.
Why would I speak in the third-person?
Have you ever had a conversation with Theorem?
[Yeah, Bittles doesn't like this. Bittles be out yo.]
I can see why you're killing people.
I am not killing people.
[Yo, Bittles wants you to finish this map post.]
Okay fine. Here's the tower.

Notice the safety escape with no railings, a feature designed by the Chuckalo Company that built this place in 2008.

Since when do you actually do what Theorem says?
If you had rap music playing in your head all day, you'd do anything to stop it too. Besides, I've my own plans.

http://imageshack.us/a/img195/893/lobbyedit.png Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, to get ourselves some treats.

[Oh Red Lobster!]

This is not a mouse-over.

This is a mouse, over.
[Theorem be back, over.]
Hey why didn't you put the elevator here?
Because it makes more sense to go floor-to-floor instead of showing the first, then the shaft, then the third. (That was a euphemism).

Some men build working elevators. Others build stairs. The third group build something that makes no sense and call it "a combination of the two."

I once pistol-whipped a man on a mongoose while eating a banana.
[I love bananas.]
He's using the first-person.
[I'm the first person to love bananas?]

"And then I told her, 'no YOU make the sandwich."
"DOHOHOHOHO that's a good one, Johnson."
"Instant promotion!"

This is also on the first-floor in case that wasn't app-
[CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH]
In case it wasn't apparent to a parent who-

God da-
[CRUNCH CRUNCH]

Why an office building would have military crates and a floorplan allowing you to scale 20-foot heights is beyond me. The only thing weirder would be a...

I-
[CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.]

Yeah. I had no hand in the construction of this project.

Then why are you getting credit?
[I know right.]
Go back to your taco, Theorem.
[How did you know...? Taco...? Me...?]
I think it's just lazy writing.

Not pictured: garden gnomes.

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SHOW THAT, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.
I didn't show them the garden gnomes.
[SLURPEE SLURPEE SLURPEE]

And of course we end with my namesake, the Empire Sarge Building.

Why did you name it that?
I didn't, you did.
I did?
Yeah, and you're in a wheelchair. And you're dead.
Oh god...
And you're a figment of my imagination.
No, it can't be.
And bananas are only good when they're yellow.

http://www.halowaypoint.com/en-us/haloreach/filebrowser/Details/31006022

http://www.halowaypoint.com/en-us/haloreach/filebrowser/Details/28904832